Do Dogs have G.P.S.?

and maybe other attributes we aren't aware of...

Do dogs have GPS?

I’m the proud owner (or is it the other way around?) of a Smooth Collie. His name is Arrow. Over the few years we have been together, I have grown used to his preferences, dislikes and little foibles. And he puts up with mine.

Two slightly weird questions for you all, if I may:

1)    I suddenly realised the other day that in addition to an odd insistence upon backing into a bush when pooing, Arrow also manages to align himself along a North/South line.

I have checked this with a compass and it's within 10 degrees or so. While I wouldn't recommend his lavatorial technique as an infallible navigational aid, I have tucked this little nugget away in my brain for whenever I might manage to get myself lost in the wilderness around southern England.

Have any of you noticed anything similar? Or is my dog just fitted with GPS without my knowing?

2)    Another factory modification which his breeder failed to mention when I acquired him is that he seems to be coated with the same treatment you’d give to a new sofa. You see, when Arrow emerges from our local woods, despite much energetic exploring of the muddier areas, other dog walkers have asked if I have only just arrived – he looks so clean.

Imagine the scene: a slightly gibbous clerical type in the furniture shop whose knotted tie is far too loose, wrings his hands and asks if ‘Madame would like the brand new sofa to be treated with ‘NoMoreStain’? At a mere £39.99 it’s like an insurance policy against spills.’

Over its life, the sofa is likely to experience a range of substances, mostly in ‘accidents’. I’m thinking wine, Pot Noodle sauce, curry from the takeaway… Insert your own hideous stain of choice. The coating supposedly lets the owner wipe it all away with a single application of kitchen roll.

So… GPS; ‘NoMoreStain’ coating… What other secrets lurk in his furry body?!

He’s not telling…